Simply Red - Oh Only If It Were...

Red - In some places red symbolises love, Christmas, religion, importance, victory and good luck. So why is it to me that red symbolises anger, hate, and resent?

Well up until yesterday it didn't, I was happily swanning along in the positive side of red as I arrived at college wearing a blue t-shirt (trusting, calm, relaxed)*. I sat down red-y for a presentation from Steve, sketchbook and pen in hand.

The title of the presentation appeared on the screen, slowly fading into view. 'PRESENTATIONS'. I wrote it down. I could feel a few nervous stares in the room. The lecture began with Steve explaining about presentations, what to do in presentations, how to stand etc. This was all well and fine, I merely assumed Steve had no relevant presentation to give us, and so was giving us this one to get it out of the way. Looking back I realise that this was the biggest mistake I've made on the course yet.

Once the presentation had finished, Scott asked a simple question about when we would be having our first presentation. Steve's smile said it all and the nerves began to rise. But presentation's don't bother me. Do they?

Steve told the group that we would be pairing up to do a presentation on a colour. In mine and Gem's case, this was red. He then went on to say that we would be giving our presentations at 2pm, that very day! We immediately started work. I found myself asking questions such as, 'what do I know about red?', 'Didn't I read something about it that one time?', I made a note to myself, anything that could ever possibly be related to anything on this course, ever, to write it down for future reference. It wasn't the first time I'd worked with Gem, but it was the first time we had really worked together on a proper task (I.e. not just induction week). It was good working with her as we could both help each other out on our tasks (I felt sorry for Craig who had volunteered to do it on his own).

After dinner, we were given just a few minutes to print things off and head off to rehearse. We went to Gem's car and went through the presentation, trying to help each other out where we could. Gem seemed really nervous at the thought of the presentation, and kept getting things wrong, so I let her rehearse quite a lot, as I thought I would be fine. Another stupid mistake. After just an hours practice, we headed off to the rendezvous (A.k.a Refectory) and sat waiting.

Gem was first up so I gave her my USB and she went off, coming back down only minutes later to tell me the work wasn't on the USB. I panicked. I ran to the library and saved the PowerPoint presentation onto the USB and gave it back to her. Running caused my blood to pump faster around my body and didn't really help my nerves.

Nerves, what nerves? I'm not nervous.

We sat in the refectory for quite a while, all the time thinking about the presentation we had to give. But I'd done a few before, I'd be fine, wouldn't I? That's what I was still telling my self non the less.

After a while I realised I had no fact sheets to give to Steve and Diane (the 'Audience' for the presentation) so once again I ran to the library. I printed out the fact sheets, which didn't come out of the printer. Panic hit me once again! At this point Marc came out and said 'I got to choose who goes next, your in'. I saw red.

The librarian was ringing IT support at this point to find out where my missing fact sheet had gone. I heard the printer kick into action. It was my work. Relief.

I took a few deep breaths and walked to the room, my nerves building slightly. Steve had said this was a good thing however, so I dismissed it. I entered the room not knowing what to expect and loaded up the presentation. Already my mouth was dry. I tried to give the presentation the best I could, all the time worrying what I could be doing wrong. It turned out I did a lot wrong, as before I could even finish the presentation I heard Steve's voice. 'Stop.' My nerves soared at this point, not knowing why Steve had stopped me. In the end it turned out I had simply ran over the allotted time limit. My nerves of which I had being denying all this time were clearly obvious of which Steve pointed out, and I had done a lot of subconscious things which I had tried my hardest to resist doing.

After leaving the room I walked slowly back down to the canteen. I was happy to be back in a sort of 'comfort zone' of the day, alongside people who I knew would not be judging me on what I was about to do or say.

For one of the first times over the course I sat with Gem, Rich, Ben and Drew. I don't know why, perhaps as I'd being working with Gem a lot of the day? Perhaps I was disorientated after the presentation? I'm still not sure. I felt more relaxed at least. This was a good thing.

Once the day had ended, and I had got home, the presentation ran over and over in my mind. I thought long and hard about the next presentation. What would I do? Would I even turn up? What if Steve sprung another surprise presentation on us? I realised that the only thing I could do was to take it as it comes. If it's a surprise or not there is one major thing I would do differently.

Rehearse more.

I feel this is the one thing that me let down in the presentation, and the worst thing is knowing that it was all my own fault. No one else told me not to rehearse more. In fact Gem actually suggested I do, but I turned her offer down being my usual self. Hopefully the next presentation will be better, hopefully there won't be any more presentations. But then that wouldn't be the real world, and after all that's what Steve is getting us ready for. Yesterday was a presentation in front of 2 people. It could of been dozens, or thousands. The more I think about it, I thank god for Steve's surprise presentation.


*Dyer, (2006), Blue - Psychological and Cultural Significance